bah-humbug: a rant

Join me at my soapbox for a lil Christmas rant.

Ah, it’s Christmas-time…family, good cheer, and of course presents. I just got home from the Thanksgiving holiday spent in Texas and my hometown with my parents and family-in-law. I’m on day 2 of detoxing from being around so many people and it’s a slow roll, my friend. I had a lot of realizations this Thanksgiving trip about family, Christmas shopping, and just the overall spirit of Christmas that I think has been trying to surface for years now but took a certain push that I received this year.

As a kid, visiting family over holidays is something you look forward to all year. You get dressed up and you eat a ton of food then spend time either napping, chasing cousins through the house, or watching football. It’s so easy. As an adult though, it’s small talk with people you’ve known your whole life who don’t know anything about you anymore. I don’t have kids so I don’t have anything to talk about with my cousins I used to run around with. I’m married now so they just want to know the juicy details of why my husband hasn't been to a holiday gathering since we got married a year ago, the juice is that he had to work and wants to spend time with his own family. I just joke that he missed his ride and is hitch-hiking here. Or the classic “how’s the married life” with “we’re not divorced yet” and “about the same.” Then they stare at you like there’s something wrong with you as you slowly back away smiling to answer the same question in a different circle of family members. Being around family gets to be full of anxiety. I listen to my mom stress over what to wear because they’re all fancier than her, whether it’ll be the last time she sees her mom and grandma, or whatever new drama has been happening. We drive 6 hours roundtrip for a meal and awkward conversations within 24 hours because someone has to work the next day. I realized that I' have been telling my uncle for 10 years now that phones have a cool feature where they can send out texts and calls just as they can receive them “phones work both ways”, as he complains to me about how I never call. This year I asked him what we would talk about and he just stared at me, stumped. I should call my uncle at least once.

When we all got home my brother and I talked to my mom about Santa. I mentioned how friends and I have discussions about not having Santa in our homes because we saw the stress it caused our parents having to pick and choose presents they could afford. How we carry on this tradition of stress for nothing. I told them instead I want to teach my kids the “spirit of Santa” and have them play Santa to other children by getting Angel Trees. My dad chimed in that the joy of seeing our smiles was the point. My brother told me that he’ll be pissed if my kids tell his Santa isn’t real. I don’t want my children to sit on a stranger’s lap just so I can have a picture. I didn’t like that as a kid. Yes, it was exciting to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas but I didn’t want to sit on his lap when every time we went out my mom would repeat “Stranger Danger” to me but then lift me on a strange man’s lap that she would tell me was one of Santa’s elves that came down to help him while he checks his list twice. I don’t want that for my children. I want them to tell me it makes them uncomfortable or even that they want to go tell Santa what they want for Christmas. At the end of the day, it’s just my cynicism and really about what my non-existent children want. But, it’s also pressing ideals on people that you want and not what others want, a vicious circle of uncomfortable experiences we force others to deal with.

And last, but not least of all, the consumerism of Christmas is out of hand. It’s about skimping out on presents for your family so you can get the best deals for yourself on Black Friday and Cyber Monday. It’s about getting stuff for your kids and family that they’ll ooh and ahh about for a couple of hours and then never pick up again. They ask you what you want and you hint for a few weeks but they’ll get you what they think you’d like instead, see ooh and ahh then never again. Or, you buy a present for someone that you actually can’t afford because you bought 5 of those types of presents to show them all that you’re successful or to show yourself that you’re a good child but they don’t care because they’re just happy that you didn’t have to work and could come to eat with them for one meal then drive back because you work the next day. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend or if you listened to what the people want, it’s about being together.

My point is, when did this joyous time at the end of the year become so stressful? Why does being an adult during this time cause a need to recoup? I struggled with writing this post because it feels so negative but, I promised authenticity. The Instagram pictures of a perfect Thanksgiving meal and time spent aren’t always real. I did enjoy time with family and we had twice as many wonderful conversations as the ones listed here, but I wouldn’t be on my soapbox being real for you if I talked about those.

much love,

B